So this blog today is something I wrote in my notes a couple months back. It’s unedited. Just straight up harsh feelings.
From the day I was born I looked at you like you were my superhero. You did everything for me. You kissed my boo boo’s better, taught me math, and walked me to school. You worked your ass off so I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, & heat to keep me warm at night. I wrote about you in every possible assignment at school of how cool my dad was. My dad. My hero. And then I started to grow up and became aware of the imperfections that my super hero parents had. Yet I still looked at you like you carried the entire world in your hands. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for so many years… Way more than I should’ve to be honest. I never even needed you to be my hero… That’s what I have myself for. But I needed you to show me & set me up for the future. Things like How a man should treat me, set myself up for owning my own home/condo, how to fix a flat tire, and to show me that I am worth so much more than I tell myself. I’m not saying you haven’t taught me anything cause of course you did. You showed me how I should be treated by the way you treated my mother & every other woman in your entire life. Which lets be honest here… You didn’t do such a good job at that part. You have put me down my entire life & made me feel like I am not good enough. Like I can’t do anything I want to do. I have 0 confidence. I don’t fully blame you but you’re a huge part of that. And seriously… I don’t even know how to change a flat tire. I know I’ve put you down a lot in my life but you learn from your surroundings. Abuse is not a joke and it’s not only physical. You have mentally abused & bullied me my entire life. You took advantage of the fact that I would do anything for you. Especially after my mom left you. I moved in with you and took care of you. All I got was your drunken anger tearing my room apart & having me leave at 2 in the morning terrified of you. I’m never going to send this to you but maybe it will help me get something off my chest. Maybe it will help me from feeling so guilty when I finally decide to never talk to you again. I am not a piece of shit. I am not unworthy of love and I WILL make it somewhere in life. I will go and do whatever the fuck I want. And I will not let you and your alcoholism hold me back. And as many times as you have told me that you don’t need me… You do need me. And when you finally realize it… I won’t be around because I don’t need you.