I deserve to be loved not controlled

You were suppose to protect me. It wasn’t suppose to be me. I should’ve stayed a little girl. Instead I became the parent. I resent you everyday for making me be the responsible one at that age. I resent you for breaking my little girl heart. And now… I chose this big strong man to protect me but instead of protecting me he broke me down. Made me feel weak. Stupid. Useless. Unlovable. I look for someone else to be proud of me because I need reassurance. My own father told me I was a piece of shit. So why would I choose anything less from a significant other? Why don’t I flinch when he calls me a whore? Bitch? Every time I think I’ve escaped your control I waltz into something else. Why? Why do I do that? Why don’t I feel like I deserve to be loved? 


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