Addiction 


Growing up I always thought if I could just write the perfect set of words or say the perfect thing that I’d be able to talk you into quitting. I was never successful. Time after time I was disappointed in myself when I should’ve been disappointed in you. 

Actions speak louder than words

“Love is not about how much you say I love you but how much you prove it’s true” 

It’s the little things that mean the most in a relationship. He isn’t the greatest at expressing love verbally but he sure does show it. In the way he touches me. In the way he brings me home my favourite bottle of wine. In the way he tells me to let him know when I get home safe. It’s always there in his actions. It use to bother me because I always need reassurance but he reassures me all the time. With just a simple touch of my lower back as he walks by or even a small kiss on my forehead. I’ve never felt that kind of love. It’s not necessary to always express it verbally. Actions speak louder than words. 

You fucked me up 


I had no autonomy with you. Even when I asked you to stop smacking my ass. It was “no, its mine.” So you do what you want with me leaving me no say. You use to initiate something sexual and if I didn’t want to it turned into this huge argument. That or I got cold shoulder for the rest of the night for not “pleasing my man.” If I forgot to tell you I love you or didn’t call you by the right name. I was made to feel bad about these things. So I started doing and saying things just to keep you happy and stop the arguments from happening. That’s not right. That’s not a relationship. It makes me sick to my stomach to think I just let that happen. I stayed in that unhealthy mess. I lost so much of myself. For that I will never be able to forgive myself. 

10 things that make me happy

1• Aya

2• Music 🎶

Music makes me feel so many different emotions. I love that there’s always music to be discovered whether that be old or new.

3• Organization

It makes me feel so good when things are clean and organized. I love organizational things even if they’re unnecessary.

4• All animals

I work at a pet store in a management position. I get to see dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, reptiles, & fish on a regular basis. I just love animals and my job.

5• My boyfriend

So cliche but he makes me so damn happy. He always shows he cares by doing certain things. He puts up with my craziness. I have been a different person since I met him. I’m still me but the smile on my face has grown.

6• My family


7• Beautiful days!

8• Late night drives

Great music blasted, best friend in the passenger seat, & no destination in sight.

9• Singing 🎤

Singing along to my favourite songs make mes so happy. Singing with friends. Singing in the car. Singing in the shower. Singing anywhere anytime.

10• Seeing others happy

Quick thoughts about my relationship anxiety 

I wish I could stop all my anxiety & over thinking. It makes me feel so needy. I constantly need reassurance because I don’t feel good enough. The worst part is I was working so hard on that with my counsellor. Then what? I stopped going because I was in a terrible relationship. That just made my overthinking, anxiety, & self consciousness worse. 

I’ve met this incredible guy. There’s one problem… he’s not the greatest at expressing his emotions. Which I’m fine with majority of the time… except when I start getting self doubts. When I start questioning things. Is he bored of me? Do I annoy him? I’m starting to seem too young to him. He honestly treats me so damn well. I’m too afraid to even open up about my anxiety with those things. Then I’ll seem even more young and immature. That’s the last thing my anxiety needs another reason to worry. 

So relatable 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kirsten-corley/2017/04/10-things-that-happen-meeting-a-good-guy-after-a-toxic-relationship/
This link has my feelings down to a T. I can’t believe how relatable it is. So this post is purely for me to add the link on for anyone to read. Especially if you’ve come out of a toxic relationship. Also on the other hand if you are with someone who has had toxic relationships and understanding them. 

😘

Have you ever wanted to kiss someone so badly. Your hands are just grasping onto every piece of them you can as your lips are searching theirs. I never thought that I’d experience one of those movie magic kisses but kissing you is just that. Movie magic. That sounds so cliche and silly but it’s so true.